Saturday, 17 March 2012

Merch-ing Russell's muscle tussle

Online promotion for the official Kony 2012 "Meltdown Kit".

Co-founder of Invisible Children, Jason Russell, who created  the viral "Kony 2012" film, is undergoing care in a psychiatric hospital after San Diego police were called to a bizarre incident on Thursday.

The filmmaker was taken into custody after neighbours reported him running around in his underpants, then eventually naked, masturbating, and repeatedly shouting "Everybody Wang Chung". Police took him to a mental health facility for observation.

In keeping with Russell's primary goal, "to make Kony famous", the marketing-savvy charity has released a heavily branded Meltdown Kit to be distributed to interested followers.

According to a spokesperson, "Jason's meltdown made headlines around the world. It's not everyone's cup of tea but if we can convince just a small percentage of our supporters to engage in similar public displays on April 20th, the media coverage will be unprecedentedly massive."

The kits, containing a range of masturbatory paraphernalia and customisable follow-up press release, are available for US$30.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Hutton done up as glam

Deborah Hutton silences critics by releasing the pre-Photoshopped cover photo.

After widespread condemnation over her glamorous naked appearance on the cover of Women's Weekly, Deborah Hutton insists the original, undoctored photograph (above) will be used for the remainder of the January issue's print run.

"Initially we retouched the image slightly to soften a few minor blemishes," said the feisty 50-year-old.

"But the reaction from the anti-Photoshopping army was way over the top, so just to shut people up, we've reverted to the original photo. It's not worth the drama.

"I'm happy with my body. I mean, we all have flaws, especially at my age. But I found a pose I was comfortable with, one that concealed my areas of insecurity.

"Then we just removed some sun spots. That's all. And maybe lightened the whites of my eyes. But you know, it's all me and it's all natural.

Photoshop of horrors: first edition of the cover that sparked media controversy.

"Oh, I also had a residual g-string line from the spray tan so we took that out. And some tiny scars from my breast augmentation surgery were airbrushed, just to keep it tasteful. Possibly some minor dimpling in the arse was evened out. All small things. Totally inconsequential. And my Botox track marks have been de-emphasised.

"We're trying to focus a story on women and self-confidence in body image. If people can't see that, I don't know what's wrong with them."

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

In protest of 'Ban the Burqa Day' protest

Simon and Judy Lovejoy, organisers of 'Ban "Ban the Burqa Day" Day' protest.

A nationwide counter-protest group donned ski masks and balaclavas yesterday to convey their opposition to the Facebook instigated 'Ban the Burqa Day' protest.

Simon and Judy Lovejoy say they felt compelled to organise 'Ban "Ban the Burqa Day" Day' after hearing of the original anti-burqa protest.

"Like the majority of Australians, we embrace diversity and are appalled by racism and bigotry in all its forms," said Ms Lovejoy.

"Covering our faces today is our way of showing solidarity with burqa-wearing citizens and letting anti-burqa protesters know they won't be tolerated," added Mr Lovejoy.

"That sort of palaver is just un-Australian and the only way to stamp it out is by doing something completely un-un-Australian," he said.

The group estimates the number of participants to have been "about nine".

"It was hard to tell, since the other mob were all wearing masks too... then on top of that we saw some women wearing actual burqas so we're not sure whose side they were on," said Ms Lovejoy.

"It was all a bit confusing."

Supporters of the cause are urged to visit

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Big tobacco finds font loophole in plain pack laws

Cigarette Symbol Equals Smiley Face, the new brand name for the former Winfield Blue.
Tobacco giants today revealed plans to change product brand names to a series of symbols to continue marketing appealing messages to smokers.

Under the government's proposed plain packaging legislation, all logos will be removed and tobacco companies must print their brand name in a specific font.

The prescribed font, Vapidia (deemed to be suitably bland and unappealing), contains a selection of special characters ripe for exploitation by cigarette marketers. Among the available symbols are a cigarette icon, smiley face, heart shape, eye and thumbs up.

British American Tobacco's Australian chief executive Dave Raven says this is the only avenue remaining for brands to compete in the marketplace.

"We have every right to promote our brand identity and by changing the brand names, we're able to utilize that small space beneath the gangrenous eyeball or whatever, to communicate some of the positive, more affirming aspects of nicotine consumption," he said.

"Benson & Hedges will become Eye Heart Cigarette; Winfield Blue becomes Cigarette Equals Happy. It's an innovative way to facilitate differentiation for consumers and falls entirely within the letter of the law."

Health Minister Nicola Roxon says the Vapidia font is not yet locked in and several typefaces are currently under consideration, adding, "we're not ruling out Comic Sans."

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Planking cheats: a disgrace to the sport

Bogus plankers use green screen technology to fake recumbent achievements.
Veteran plankers say some newcomers are making a mockery of the sport by digitally manipulating photographs to garner undue recognition.

Founding member of Planking Australia, Gary Androli said the subversive practice is counter to the fundamental spirit of planking.

"It's only a minority that's doing this but it still has an impact on how plankers are judged by the wider community and we need to stamp it out right away," he said.

"They use green screens and Photoshops [sic] and stuff. I don't want to go into the technical details too much, in case it gives more people [spurious] ideas. But they make it look like they're planking in dangerous environments. In my own personal view, you haven't earned respect for planking at the mouth of an active volcano unless you've [legitimately] planked at the mouth of an active volcano."

Guy and Annie (not their real names), the ersatz plankers pictured, refused to comment, other than to provide us with pseudonyms.

Sunday, 15 May 2011

7 storey planking record: falls short by 7 storeys

Tributes flood in as the planking community mourns the tragic loss of one of its heroes.
A Haverbrook man plunged more than 30 metres to his death today, whilst attempting to plank from a seventh floor balcony. The craze – which involves lying on things – has seen extraordinary growth in popularity in the last 12 months.

Police say the man cannot be identified at this time, due to his face being "all smashed up".

His devotion to the lifestyle was irrefutable, according to a close colleague, who described him as "an absolute planker".